Depois da história do chinês com duas armas aqui no campus, eu me inscrevi na lista de noticias da policia, para ficar mais informado. Acabei ficando mais relaxado, afinal, todos os policiais daqui parecem ser bons de piada na hora da descrição dos fatos.
Abaixo segue as melhores pérolas.... o texto continua em inglês .... então nem todos vão rir .... mas de qualquer forma a tradução é digna do Fucker and Sucker (Casseta e Planeta).
Vários são hilários, outros parecem tão bizarros que eu não entendi nada do que aconteceu.
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200 BLOCK WEST 21st STREET
Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT Police Officer observed a UT student staggering back and forth as he attempted to navigate the straight parallel lines of the sidewalk. After many zigs and one too many zags, the subject began exhibiting an extreme physical reaction to the over-consumption of alcohol. After providing his alcohol enriched compost to the University owned landscape, the student was stopped. The officer recognized the student from an alcohol related incident a month earlier. The officer detected a moderate odor of alcohol on the student’s breath and already knew he was under the legal age of 21. The student was issued a court appearance citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor. Occurred on: 4-15-11, at 2:30 AM.
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200 BLOCK EAST 21st STREET
Criminal Mischief / Evading Arrest / Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT Police Officer observed two UT students jumping and stomping on the rear tire of a grey Schwinn mountain bicycle that was secured to the bike racks located on the north side of the building. As the officer was exiting out of a marked police vehicle, both students began running from the area toward their dormitory. The officer, with gazelle-like speed, caught both students as they attempted to enter into a restricted area. During the investigation, the officer asked the students if the bike they were damaging belonged to either one of them. With heads and shoulders hanging they replied no. The officer detected a moderate odor of alcohol on the breaths of both students and discovered both were under the legal age of 21. Both students were issued court appearance citations for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor. Charges for Criminal Mischief are pending. Occurred on: 4-24-11, at 1:07 AM.
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100 BLOCK WEST 21st STREET
Public Intoxication: A UT student was discovered using a well placed building for support. The subject was wearing the remnants of his evening out on the front of his shirt. During the investigation, the officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the student’s breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The officers were unable to comprehend the student’s mush-mouthed dialect. The student was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 4-23-11, at 2:23 AM.
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PARKING LOT 103, 2100 Comal
Burglary of Motor Vehicle / Evading Arrest / Criminal Trespass / Assist Outside Agency: A UT Police Officer discovered the driver’s side window of a silver Chevy truck had been broken out. As the officer was investigating the Burglary of Motor Vehicle, he discovered a second vehicle with a shattered driver’s side window. As the officer approached the second vehicle, he quickly realized the vehicle was still occupied and the suspect was hiding in the back seat area. The suspect refused to comply with the officers requests and was pepper sprayed. The suspect left the vehicle quickly and attempted to flee the area. After a short jaunt the suspect was taken into custody. During the investigation, the officers learned the suspect had received a prior Criminal Trespass Warning on 3-15-11 after he was taken into custody as a suspect in another Burglary of Motor Vehicle case. In addition, the suspect had an outstanding Outside Agency arrest warrant for Possession of Drug Paraphernalia. The suspect was transported to Central Booking. In addition to the law enforcement actions taken by the officers, the subject was issued another Criminal Trespass Warning. Loss value: Unknown at this time. Occurred on: 4-25-11, at 8:59 PM.
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300 BLOCK WEST 21st STREET
Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT student was discovered passed out on the west side of Benedict Hall. After being awakened, the student handed the officer a pack of bubble gum and his student ID. The officer handed the pack of gum back, but the student was insistent on giving the officer a piece of gum instead of his driver’s license. During the investigation, the officer learned why the student was insistent on giving him a piece gum; the student was in possession of a fake ID card that purported him to be 21 years of age as well as a current Texas ID card that stated otherwise. The student was issued a field release citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor and his fake ID was confiscated. Occurred on: 4-30-11, at 3:27 AM.
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LITTLEFIELD DORMITORY, 201 West Dean Keeton
Suspicious Person: A UT staff member reported a male subject was seen looking into the windows of the dormitory from inside the courtyard area. During the investigation, the officers located the subject sitting at a table reading. The UT student informed the officers that he was taking a break from reading and decided to look into the study area of the dormitory. The staff member never saw the student attempting to look into any occupied dorm rooms. The student was identified and released after talking to the officers about other alternatives when taking a reading break. Occurred on: 5-02-11, at 1:32 AM.
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600 BLOCK COLORADO STREETPublic Intoxication / Possession of a Controlled Substance: A non-UT subject was discovered resting his head on a door handle after he had attempted, in vain, to gain entry into a closed building. During the investigation, the officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject’s breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The subject informed the officer that he was somewhere on “Congressessish Ave.” The subject also informed the officers that he had been left downtown by his “friends.” The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication. During a search incidental to his arrest, officers discovered the subject was in possession of controlled substance later identified as Hydrocodone. Additional charges of Possession of a Controlled Substance were filed. Occurred on: 5-06-11, at 2:30 AM.
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ROBERT A. WELCH HALL, 105 East 24th Street
Criminal Trespass Warning / Assist Outside Agency: A UT student recognized a non-UT subject that she had an encounter with at PCL. The student notified the UT Police Department when the non-UT subject entered into Welch Hall. Officers located the subject sitting at a table, the subject was also watching as the officers entered into the building. As the officers approached the subject, the subject became combative and argumentative. He displayed to the officers his wordsmithing abilities by calling them four letter words. The offices soon learned the subject had 6 outstanding Outside Agency arrest warrants. The officers displayed their own wordsmithing abilities and informed the subject he was under arrest. The subject was taken into custody and was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 5-05-11, at 4:22 PM.
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JESTER WEST DORMITORY, 201 East 21St Street
Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor / Failure to Identify: A UT staff member discovered a UT student passed out inside a first floor women’s restroom. The UT Police Officers soon discovered the student had been paying homage to the porcelain god “Ralph.” When the student handed the officer a current Texas Driver’s License, the officers noticed the picture on the license along with the height and weight listed did not match the student. Due to the extreme intoxication level, Austin EMS treated the subject at the scene for alcohol poisoning and transported her to a local area hospital. The officers were able to positively identify the student and charges for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor were filed. Occurred on: 5-06-11, at 4:01 AM.
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JESTER WEST DORMITORY, 201 East 21st Street
Terrorist Threat: A UT student reported another UT student had made threaten comments towards her. Occurred on: 5-07-11, at 4:54 AM.
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500 BLOCK WEST 6th STREET
Public Intoxication: A non-UT subject was observed staggering to a point he lost his fight with Earth’s gravity. During the investigation, the officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject’s breath and observed several clues of intoxication, including being very confused. The officers learned the subject had been consuming large quantities of alcohol at several local establishments. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 5-11-11, at 2:33 AM.
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WELCH HALL, 105 East 24th Street
Suspicious Person: UT Police Officers responded to a report of a subject knocking and banging on a 3rd floor office door. The subject was still at the door when the officers arrived. During the investigation, the officers learned a UT professor had caught the student cheating during a final exam. After the test had been administered the student followed the professor to his office attempting to apologize for his actions. After being told to leave, the student refused to leave the area and continued to apologize. The student was issued a Criminal Trespass Warning and was escorted from the building. Occurred on: 5-12-11, at 10:25 PM.
Commentary: For every action there is always a reaction. It is a shame this student ended the semester on a high note.
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PICKLE RESEARCH CENTER, 10,000 Burnet Rd
Assault / Public Intoxication: A UT student attempted to enter into a restricted area. When stopped, the student looked at the staff member with a blank expression on his face. When told he was not authorized to enter into the restricted area, the student looked at the UT staff member and charged him. The student grabbed the staff member and began yelling, “Give me….Give me.” The staff member defended himself and knocked the student out and notified the UT Police Department. The student layed on the sidewalk snoring. The responding officers located the student and detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the student’s breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The student was taken into custody for Assault / Public Intoxication. Occurred on: 5-15-11, at 12:55 AM.
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PAINTER HALL, 103 West 24th Street
Graffiti: A UT Police Officer discovered a drawing of an anatomically correct female inside a second floor men’s restroom. Estimated repair: $50.00. Discovered on: 5-20-11, at 2:40 PM.
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2400 BLOCK GUADALUPE
Public Intoxication: A UT Police Officer discovered a non-UT subject passed out on the sidewalk. After having his sternum rubbed, the subject awakened. The subject quickly informed the officer that he was walking home, from Austin to Austin The transporting elixir caused the subject to change his story. He stated was walking from Dallas to Austin. The officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the subject’s breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 5-23-11, at 2:29 AM.
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